Wings of a Hummingbird

We continue to march on here in Dallas.  Thanks so much for all the cards sent our way.  The nurses get a kick out of delivering our stacks of mail, and they are a great source of encouragement.  Hunter's goal is to continue to stretch the amount of time he spend off the ventilator and to work hard in his physical therapy.  He is doing his best at improving a little each day.  I got to meet Sadie on Sunday, and she's just about the cutest little dark haired angel I've ever seen.  I loved getting to marvel over holding her sweet hand.  She's still doing everything an almost 30 week old baby should be doing.  With both Hunter and Sadie stable, our families are trying to settle into a routine of how to juggle two in the hospital ICU and the rest of the family back in Abilene.  I arrived home around midnight Wednesday with the boys and we played hard until I headed back Sunday afternoon.  Mark spent Thursday and Friday with Hunter, then Jana switched in for the weekend.

Hunter has spent anywhere from 5-9 hours a day off the ventilator over the past five days.  Saturday he even got to go outside for a little bit.  Eventually he will progress to stretching all day on the trach collar and resting on the vent at night, then move to totally breathing on his own around the clock.  That will be a happy day.  Once he's totally on the trach collar (which just provides humidified oxygen), he can move out of ICU and to the floor.  We are trying to be patient to not push his body too hard, but still make gains in strength in his breathing muscles.  His antibiotic course for his pneumonia finished yesterday, and hopefully that will help his blood counts improve.  He has a small pocket showing on x-ray in his lower right lobe that isn't exchanging oxygen like it should, and with exercise it should reinflate properly.  We are praying for his white count to come up as right now he's neutropenic, meaning his body does not have many infection fighting cells.  His hemoglobin is trending up, but it's still below where it should be.  

Rehab progress will be a slow.  He won't just step out of bed and walk tomorrow.  The last few days his therapists have been working with him on sitting on the side of the bed.  Once they sit him up, he is able to hold himself up with minimal support.  He is getting better at using his arms to balance as he practices leaning forward, backwards, and sideways.  Today he was able to maintain his legs on the stool.  In the past we've had to hold his ankles or knees to keep them from flopping to the side.  He was able to push off with his legs and do a little to help slide his body backwards in bed, but that was really tough.  This is truly an exercise in patience.  After about 15 minutes sitting up, he's exhausted.  Pray for those nerves to continue to heal and make connections so his normal movement can return.  He will totally have to rebuild the muscles in his body.  Thankfully, we are at just the facility to make that happen.  The doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists, and physical therapists are all incredibly encouraging and we are so thankful for their dedication and knowledge.  They celebrate every little gain with us.        

All by himself!

First sunlight in about 6 weeks!

The boys and I try and make the most of our time together.  Thursday morning Benton and I had dental appointment, then we went on a lunch date at Sharkys before I dropped him back at school.  Much to the twins dismay, they went to their Mothers' Day Out class for the morning, then I took them home for the afternoon.  Dinner was delivered to our house both Thursday and Friday nights.  It is such a blessing to not have to worry about going to the grocery store, cooking, or cleaning up when we have limited time together.  

Cavity free smiles:)

Oh how I love the little moments with them!

Friday we met our cousins at the park.  It is quite funny watching the pack of three and four year olds running all around playing together.  The weather was perfect, and I always love getting to drink coffee with Michelle and Aunt E.  

Don't mind Caleb who is telling the others "Get out of my acorn!"

 Friday night we had our obligatory trip to the pumpkin patch.  In between racing around with wheelbarrows, we managed to snap a few pictures.  We all got together for dinner, and I loved getting to spend time with Nathan and Katie's chubby pumpkin Harper.  She's changed so fast in the couple months since I've seen her.

It was about 90 degrees and sunny

All Honey and Poppa's pumpkins together

Saturday morning we grabbed donuts and headed to Clara's last soccer game.  She's a tomboy after my own soccer loving heart, and we had a blast cheering her on as she scored 3 goals.  Benton noticed that Clara ran around a whole lot more than what he did when he played:)

besties!

Clayton's new big boy bed didn't have a mattress protector.  He asked what was in the package, and I told him I needed to put it under his sheets.  Clayton was very proud that he "helped" me make his bed.  These are the cute little three year old things I miss so much!

 Sunday we went to church.  I thought I was going to be fine.  It was great to see lots of familiar faces and people who have supported and prayed for our family.  I held it together until the sermon.  It was about facing our deepest fears.  I never thought I would be able to identify with Jarius from Mark 5:23.  His daughter was very sick, and he asked Jesus in faith to heal her.  Jesus was delayed by helping someone along the way to Jarius' house, and his daughter died before he got there.  Our preacher Jarrod talked about how death doesn't separate us from God, but rather those on earth.  Or at least I think that's what he said through the uncontrollable sobs.  I'm sure it's not hard to guess, but this month I've had to face some of my greatest fears watching Hunter go through these trials.  I'm thankful for modern medicine, good doctors, and the Lord who ordains each of our days.  Through his mercy, Hunter is healing with us today.  It's just hard to get the words of "If we do nothing, Hunter will pass peacefully in his sleep" out of my head.  They keep me up at night, in fact.  The rest of the story from the Bible was that Jesus raised Jarius' daughter from the dead.  I pray every day that I will be the wife, mother, and daughter that recognizes that every day is a gift and chance to shine my light for God in this dark world.

After kissing some sad little boys goodbye, I headed back to Dallas.  Along the way, I got to spend a few minutes with Sadie, Macey, and Hudson.  I am just in awe of this new tiny little Hanner fighter.  I loved watching her stretch her arms and held her hand.

 And how cute are her nurses?

I would ask that you say an extra special prayer for our boys that we are separated from for all these weeks.  My first weekend home, they were just so excited to get to see me.  This last weekend, more of the sadness in their hearts bubbled out.  Saturday morning I sent Benton to the car to get his shoes that I knew were in there.  He came back twice and said he couldn't find them.  As I sent him back again, he told me "It's not fair."  We had a talk about how that God doesn't guarantee us a life that's fair or easy.  I said that it wasn't fair that he was separated from mommy and daddy, and that it wasn't fair that daddy was sick again.  It opened up the floodgates for him to release what was pent up inside him.  The rest of the weekend, he often told me how much he missed his daddy, and that he wanted to see him right away.  As we said prayers Saturday night, he cried telling me, "Mom I KNOW God could heal Daddy faster than a hummingbird flaps his winds.  Why isn't he?"  When I don't even understand or practice patience or God's timing in Hunter's healing, I'm not sure how to expect my six year old to do the same.  I hate that they are suffering.  Macey has seen the same sadness in Hudson as they are apart.  I know kids are resilient, and that our families are loving them well.  But I wish I could protect them and take this away.  The doctors have told us that this will be a slow process for Hunter to regain strength.  I join with Benton in praying that this will be faster than they even imagined, and that we can bring him home healthy and strong quickly.

As always, I ask for prayers specifically for Hunter's lungs to be fully healthy, nerves to heal, muscles to regrow, and for his marrow to kick out healthy amounts of red and white cells.  We ask for prayers for Hunter to stay infection free while he's neutropenic and still on a ventilator.  Hunter's specific request is for less anxiety.  Every moment of his day is a mental and physical battle weather it's turning in bed on the ventilator, or talking himself into breathing on his own on the trach collar.  Not to even mention how hard therapy is for him.  When he can conquer some of the anxiety with his breathing, life will get much easier for him.  Macey and Chase ask for prayers for Sadie to continue to poop, and to tolerate increased feedings so she can put on weight.  It is a great source of strength for our family to give these prayer requests over to the many on team Hanner who pray for us.